5 Years

Frankie's Grammy is amazing. She was the first family member I met of Frankie's. Her and Grandpa Roger. They have so much love for one another, and I loved Grammy's hugs and Grandpa Roger's winks when he would tease me. Less than a year into dating Frankie, Grandpa Roger had surgery, and unexpectedly died during his recovery. He loved Frankie so much. He attended every Kings Point football game of Frankie's, and spent summer's with him when Frankie was young. He adored him.
Grammy, Frankie's siblings, cousins, and Grandpa peeking through

Grandpa Rogers funeral was only the 3rd I had ever attended and the only one where I really knew the person. He was an amazing man, with an amazing love.  I remember feeling so sad for Grammy knowing that the love they shared was one she would wait for until she saw him again.

Frankie stood and spoke at the funeral service wearing his academy uniform that Grandpa Roger was so proud to see him in.  Grandpa Roger served in World War II. Frankie and I spoke with him about his military service only once. We were out at one of his favorite steak restaurants, and we asked him about that time. Grandpa Roger told us his duty was on the front lines running the communication lines for the men fighting so they could keep in contact with one another. He was literally one of the first ones heading into battle. We saw his eyes glaze over with tears, and could almost see the images that he must have seen, but he did not talk about them. Ever. 

I think of him and Grammy often. I thought of Grandpa Roger during our wedding and felt his love there with us. I think of them on our wedding anniversary because every time I look at my ring, I think of the true love they share and the love I share with Frankie. They both gave us the most amazing gift. The gift of a true example of what it means to love eternally.  Grammy gave me her wedding band with a note just before Frankie and I got married. I wear it with so much pride, and always will. 

Grammy knows how much love Frankie and I share. She gave me another gift right after Frankie's funeral. It is a necklace with a swallow on it from a company called DoDo. It's meaning: Come back to me

One of my favorite quotes I have lived by since Frankie died reminds me of this necklace:

"Be like a bird
That pausing in her flight
A while on boughs to light,
Feels them give way
Beneath her and yet sings,
Knowing that she hath wings." 
-Victor Hugo

I know Frankie cannot come back to me physically.  Although, I hope on occasion he is able to see what I am up to and is able be here in spirit.
There is one thing I have put my faith in on this beautiful journey of life. And that is that I am working my way back to Frankie --- I am growing wings, and moving forever forward in this life and beyond to be with him. I feel him saying Come back to me, my love.
I know the only way to do that is to put one foot in front of the other and live this life fully for not only myself, but for Frankie. To give to others, to keep my faith at the forefront, to exemplify happiness, joy and love, to make new goals and accomplish them even though it is very hard to do that sometimes, and to walk up these uneven, well-worn stairs of faith in this life in front of me.  

Forever forward, Forever upward, I keep telling myself. I will keep going. Until we meet again.  I'm coming back to you, my love ----and our reunion is going to be such an amazing one. 

Happy Anniversary baby, thank you for being the biggest blessing to me in my life, and beyond. 


Shana said...

Your writing is unbelievable - The love you have for your husband is more than immeasurable, it's something to be aspired to. Thank you for sharing your journey.


Anonymous said...


Your strength continues to inspire me. It is such a beautiful thing to be on this journey with you through your blog.

You are so very strong and so very beautiful and your love for Frankie and with Frankie is unbelievable. I catch myself thinking about you and Frankie randomly whenever I think of my own boyfriend and my relationship with him.

Please continue to grow and become a better person for yourself and for your Frankie. You deserve so much in this world, please go after all that you deserve.

Looking forward to your next post. =)

DeRosa080208 said...


Your blog posts about Frankie are absolutely beautiful. I want you to know that what I saw of you and Frankie's love has and forever will be an example to me in my life and my relationship with Matt. The love you share is truly beautiful and amazing. I hope you know we love you and pray for you and think of you often.

frankiebondslee said...

I found your blog through a friend's Facebook post and read THE WHOLE THING tonight. I've cried for your loss and been uplifted by the story of your love. Frankie sounds like the very best kind of man :) LOVE ON!! I also have appreciated learning about the American Widow Project. So tragic that the need exists for such an organization but such a blessing that it exists. btw, my name really is Frankie, I don't mean to freak you out or anything. And where is the main picture on the blog front page taken? What an awesome spot!

Sarah said...

That note is so sweet!

(Found your blog through the Military Spouse magazine.)