It is amazing how one day can be so amazing, and then there are days like today where the realization hits that Frankie was killed only 18 months ago today. Today had its ups and downs. I shared laughs and tears at lunch with Amanda (Frankie's sister) and an amazing friend I met who he trained with at Fort Riley. Dinner was spent with good friends we made in Hawaii.... but there was a cloud on the whole day, because it is the 27th. It was hard to lift that cloud. It is hard knowing that when I drive to the cemetery, that I will be doing this the rest of my life, until I am in the grave with him.
A year and a 1/2. It feels so long ago. Today I found out more information about how Frankie was killed. Facts I did not know, or that were somehow skipped in the investigation report. How am I just finding this out? It is tough to take in, but I am even more proud of him. He is a hero, and deserves the highest honor that I will fight my entire life to get for him if I have to. A year and a half later, my love --- ugh.
I love him more today than last.
I will love him forever.
So far it is not easier, and sometimes I wonder how breath continues to fill my lungs.
And I know it comes from him. From the love he breathes into me.
And when I feel it, my love, my heart beats so fast and so hard I get all "light - chested" like we used to say, and I know you are here, and I know that you will continue to fill me with your love all of my life.
That smile on my face now is from the love I have been so blessed to feel.
That motivation to continue comes with the hope that I will live my life to reach you someday.
I miss you Frankie. I love you. As you did to me --- I will make you so proud.