tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34845939245283053462024-03-13T09:45:24.446-06:00It's Toner TimeWith every setting sun, my love grows for you.
`O `oe nô ka`u ipo aloha, A loko e hana nei
~ Until we meet again ~It's Toner Timehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18183340009071566706noreply@blogger.comBlogger85125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3484593924528305346.post-73475383469618163192015-06-24T05:05:00.000-06:002015-06-24T05:05:16.901-06:00I Want My Unicorn! <div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
It has been a very long time since I have shared my life on this blog....</div>
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<br />So, the last few years I have ventured out into
the place I never pictured myself going. It was something I pushed away
after losing the love of my life because the thought disgusted me about
trying to love someone else and if I was even capable of loving so
fully again after experiencing such painful loss. Also, knowing full
well, that I had near perfection/nay, perfection in a relationship,
(seriously, like magical unicorns and fairies riding on rainbows.
PERFECT) and knowing nothing could ever seem to match it. </div>
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I got to a point however where I realized I could still be head over
heels in love with Frankie, but I somehow let go of the the plan of
having him here with me on earth and having the family that we had
always planned on. I let go. I had to. <br /><br />I knew I could grow
old all alone...but I was able to come to grips with the reality of...I
don't want to. If it had been me who had died, I would have never wished that Frankie would
continue to live without the things that we both desired the most. Including a loving relationship.<br /><br />I want my unicorns, rainbows and fairies, damnit. </div>
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I am a giver, a lover, and being in a loving relationship is one of the
most pure, amazing, life embracing, selfless things a person can do. It is by far
the best thing I have done on this earth at this point in my life.
Being able to have pure joy with Frankie and making him so happy while
he was here, and knowing that I was loved so unconditionally...makes me
crave that. <br /><br />So....I jumped in feet first. <br /><br />Well, you
know those stories you hear from other widows (who I love dearly)....that say, "My husband led me
to him. It was magic." Wellllllll....unfortunately, I have not
experienced that feeling. If anything it has, sadly, been quite the
opposite. <br /><br />I have had 3 relationships. <br /><br />3 terrible
relationships that make me question why I had the feeling that I had to
let go in the first place. I jumped in, and realized that my pool was
full of stinky, dirty, rocky sludge, just a little too late. Three
boys who not only used my kind, give the benefit of the doubt heart, and
took its already shattered pieces, lit them on fire, danced around them, then got tired and peed on the ashes. <br /><br />Yeah, that's
descriptive, I know. But honestly, I have just given so much of me that
at this point...there is not a whole lot left. Sometimes I seriously believe the
only way not to go through anymore of this and be with someone who loves
me unconditionally is just to die. My love is in some other realm, that
I simply think about being in every single day. <br /><br />So....the dirty details. I know that you are dying to hear. (Let's be honest, I'm the only one who will probably read this). <br /><br />Relationship
#1 used me and my generosity to a point that I don't even think sharing
what he did or took from me is worth it. I should have seen the red flags. He liked the fact that I still wore my wedding ring because it meant
other guys would not hit on me. The first few months were good. He was
extremely jealous though and insecure because of his past relationship
issues. After 5/6 months he started showing his true colors. He was
just a grumpy human. He was older than me, never married, didn't treat
people well, and started accusing me of ridiculous things, even
searching through my computer history and other nonsense. He had
issues. Issues I didn't want to deal with. So, I called it quits. He
begged me to stay...he would change....No thanks dude. You are mean.<br /> </div>
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And, I want my F*@cking rainbow!!! </div>
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#2 - Oh buddy, this relationship was a joke. I went into this one
rather fast after dating #1. He worked with me and was the new hottie
on the block. I was just drawn to him. He was outgoing, friendly and
always up for a fun time. I was too. I didn't want anything serious.
He didn't want anything serious. I just enjoyed his company and hanging
out with him all the time. We laughed a lot. We did so much fun stuff together like
fishing, volleyball, camping, working out and really just enjoyed our time
together. I'll just say this. We never were official, but he was my
best friend for a while. I loved his family, we spent most of our time
together and I thought things were going well and could lead to
something more serious... but he just wanted to have me around and thought I would stick because we were so close, but behind my back he decided he needed other girls. A lot
of girls....<br />What in the??? How do I go from being a man's one and only to this shit??? Not ok. Fairy killer. :)<br /><br />Hey
douchebags!! I'm a widow, remember?? Who lost the love of her life in a tragic, heroic way? Who
is putting her already broken heart on the line, just hoping someone
will see her worth and love her! I have a lot of awesome love to give! <br /><br />You
know what is crazy though. After the hurt I had been through, those
two felt like little rubber band snaps to the heart. Just a little
flick...and then I was fine. I got over it. I obviously did not love
them...they obviously were not right for me. They had no respect for my
heart.<br /><br />#3. This one is still pretty raw and fresh. I'm
heartbroken even. Shattered again. This one really hurts...aches.
Me and #3 were good, great even, but after a year and 1/2 of a really
awesome relationship he decided that he wasn't sure if he could promise
me the future I want. I could say more, but all I know is that I feel
deceived by this one. He really let me believe that he truly loved me.
I saw a future with him. <br /><br />My walls instantly went back up at
his indecisiveness. I went right back to a place I was at 6 years ago. </div>
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F@ck dating!! Get out of my life now.</div>
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I miss #3 terribly....but the crazy thing is, I miss Frankie more. My heartache went instantly back to the love of my life. The person I didn't ever have to settle with. The MAN who knew my heart, my worth. The man who was magic and our love was magic, and we both knew it. The man who looked into my eyes and knew that he would always look into them and would never make them cry unless they were tears of joy. The man who knew he wanted to spend eternity with me. Who made a promise to God and me that he would spend his life doing just that. The man who actually gave me rainbows on a daily basis in Hawaii...and heart clouds on my hardest days even after death. Who wrote me love poems and rushed home to spend every wonderful second that we could together. <br /><br />Frankie was my unicorn. :) <br /><br />And now I know that magic for me has happened. And if it only happens once. I'm ok with that. I have to be.<br /><br />I gave the world of widow dating a fair shot. I'm done with it.<br /><br />And for now...my heart needs to recover before I decide to just end my life to get back to my love. <br /><br />I do understand that I have some work to do on my grief. I know that 6 years later it feels just as fresh. I lost something so huge, and I don't need a replacement. I knew every time in these three relationships that when they said the words, "I have such big shoes to fill"...that they didn't understand at all. I did not compare them or expect a replacement. I saw them all individually for who they were...and they simply ended up not being enough. They need to fill their own shoes and know their own hearts and respect mine before they can promise me a future. <br /><br />So...for now I need to just work on myself and somehow figure out my own magical fairyland. <br /><br />I know what Frankie and I used to say to one another still rings true, and that because of it I will be alright....<br />
<br />"With every setting sun my love grows for you....To the Love. A Hui Hou"<br />
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It's Toner Timehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18183340009071566706noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3484593924528305346.post-89671564359986579202013-11-25T21:59:00.002-07:002013-11-25T22:04:07.637-07:00The Stories We Love Best Do Live In Us Forever<br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">All I can say is that I feel truly blessed. I found another gift. I don't know how things keep popping up from Frankie, but they do. Whenever I have needed him the most, he is right there, reminding me and guiding me. I found a disk in his old movie collection that didn't look like much. I almost went right past it without even another glance, until I found another collection of CD's I had made for him that included the list of songs and titles. I thought, why not? I'll throw in the backup CD. So, I looked through some of his old files from his computer and found resume's, homework, letters of recommendation. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">And then, there was one folder called: "future" and within that was one titled: "Brooke"</span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">And then, staring me in the face were words I had never read before...to me, from Frankie. I thought I had read every poem, card, thought or love song that was to be written by Frankie. And was I ever wrong. He had written sooooo much more that he was going to give to me over time. I'm not sure when, but I am sure on special occasions. He wrote me while we were dating and he was out to sea. He wrote of what it felt like the first time he held my hand. He wrote about the first time we kissed. He wrote about all of our amazing adventures and when I'm saying he wrote about them, he put in details. Like how the stars shone on a certain night, and the temperatures, the dew on the grass or how the moonlight would shine on my face. And it brought it all back like a flood. I suddenly remembered the moments that have gotten hazy. I remembered the things that have seemed to have disappeared from my memory over time. I remembered it all. Our beautiful, amazing, magical love. It was so rare, and so special. I remembered.....I never forgot....but it made it new again. </span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">He wrote jokes, and said, <i>"<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">I thought maybe you would like to hear a joke baby. That’s one of my favorite things in the world is making you laugh and you making me laugh. I love you."</span></i></span><br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><br /></span></i>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';">He wrote about how he knew he was planning on asking me to be his wife. He wrote about all the places we used to make-out at when we first started dating. :) He wrote about all the silly and weird things that we used to do. We were soooo weird! haha! But lucky in love! Here is an example of some of what he wrote: </span></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i>"Today I was just thinking about some of the little weird things about us.</i></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman';"><span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i>Yep the first thing that comes to mind is your town. I am not sure how it even started, but its hilarious that you some how have a town under your arm that is ruled by a tyrant. I mean if you really sit down and think about that…..Yeah that’s pretty far out there and I love it. I love that we go take pictures with some wooden bear we see on the side of the road. Then we proceed to name it the freedom bear and some how him and I have formed in alliance to fight the tyrant that rules your town under you arm. LOL Brooke I love you. Next we have some obsession with little dogs and people with their weird dogs whether they be some weird dog that happens to survive some nuclear bomb test and we have to turn around and drive by it three times so we can get a good look at it. Or dogs strapped in a harness to people's backs. Now thats weird. Then we like to race and wrestle in blockbuster and other stores. We make tunnels and snow castles, which I think is just cute... not weird. We have vortexes that lock us in our dorm rooms and tape our heads to the computer. We make songs up about things we see on the street. OOOOOooooo. You like to shake it. Yeah baby shake it. You wear a yellow rain suit when we go snowboarding. Play hangman over the phone. Not once but for like a couple of hours. Write coded emails. Your in the midst of building a cell phone tower out of hangers and bobby pins. We pull down trees in your backyard. You know what honey I know we already know we are each others best friends, but really we are! I mean just look at the stuff we do. We don’t just do boyfriend girlfriend/lovers stuff. We play like we are in grade school and we go over each others house for play dates. Brooke you are amazing and I know we have the greatest relationship ever. It is just amazing and I love you so much. The list can go on and on baby so I'm going to continue it on another day. I love you. To definitely be continued….."</i></span></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">He wrote poems about my weird underarm town. He wrote love poems and songs. He wrote about how much he missed me while he was gone. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">Tonight</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i>Tonight I go to sleep dreaming and thinking about you</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i>Tonight I go to sleep praying and missing you </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i>All I want tonight is to have you by my side</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i>All I want tonight is to be with my baby girl</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i>So I close my eyes and see you there smiling at me tonight</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i>So I close my eyes and pretend your next me</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i>As I go to sleep tonight missing you</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i>All I want tonight is to have you by my side</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i>All I want tonight is to be with my baby girl</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i>Counting the days till we’ll be together again</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i>Counting the days till we’ll be together again</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i>All I want tonight is to have you by my side</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i>All I want tonight is to be with my baby girl</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i>Starting to drift and seeing me there kissing your tender lips</i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I wipe my eyes and cry because I go to sleep missing you tonight</span></i></span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></i></span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">He wrote and he wrote and he wrote. I am blessed. I miss him. I miss him. I miss him. He reminded me of true love and it always comes at the exact perfect time. I know he is here. Always. </span></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">I love you Frankie. Forever. </span></div>
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<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-size: large;">"How I know that what we have is like nothing else and to describe it in the very least is to call it love." -Frankie Toner IV</span></i></span></div>
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</span>It's Toner Timehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18183340009071566706noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3484593924528305346.post-87536839265146578102013-11-05T09:26:00.001-07:002013-11-05T09:28:23.428-07:00Live For Today<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Mv_Xs7mvEZ8/UnkZQ2Z6e4I/AAAAAAAABVg/XcabiIhOj3w/s1600/When-i-give-you-my-time.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Mv_Xs7mvEZ8/UnkZQ2Z6e4I/AAAAAAAABVg/XcabiIhOj3w/s400/When-i-give-you-my-time.jpg" width="346" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">LIVE FOR TODAY</td></tr>
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The other day all of the clocks had to be changed because of daylight
savings. I was driving to the gym with a friend when he reached over
and proceeded to change the time in my truck to reflect the actual
time. It was set 3 hours behind. It has not been changed since the
clock was set back in November of 2006 to Hawaii Time by Frankie when we moved
there as a newly married couple. I don't know why I never changed the clock...I just didn't. My
reaction gave it away immediately...and I just said something along the
lines of, "you have no idea how big that is." He stopped mid change and
was like..."ohhhhh crap." I had to finish it because he felt terrible
and I changed the minutes to reflect the actual time. I assured him it was
okay. He still felt awful. I realized instantly that the clock should
no longer be set in the past. It doesn't need to reflect the 10 minutes
faster that Frankie set all of our clocks to to try and trick his mind
in the morning and get us places on time. Me, being habitually late, learned from Frankie, "5 minutes early is on time; On time is late; and 5 minutes late is unacceptable." :) <br />
<br />
The clock set back in time does not bring back the
amazing memories or moments that I am eternally grateful for. The clocks
need to be set to now. I'm ready for it. Life is now...life is moving
forward. Time doesn't stop, even when it has felt like it should have. The clock keeps ticking. I'm thankful
for my past and I'm looking forward to the future...whatever it brings.
Life is good. Live for today. <br />
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<br />It's Toner Timehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18183340009071566706noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3484593924528305346.post-28253303498937307092013-02-10T21:35:00.001-07:002013-02-10T21:35:21.456-07:00Oh! The Places You'll Go!I miss him so much today it hurts. I have tried to be strong, and I have tried to remember his promises to me, but even the strongest can be broken. So, I watched a video that always helps me get through my hard days. <br />
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It is a video of Frankie from Afghanistan. He is reading me a children's book, by Dr. Seuss. Most people know of it. I have always really loved it. I think it is some of his best work. I think it is simple, and applies to life in many ways. Frankie knew how much I liked it. <br />
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While in Afghanistan, Florence B. Choe, who was killed with Frankie set up an amazing program on her base where the forces could read books to their children at home via video, and send it in a disk format. She did it for her very own 3 year old daughter. I know it will be something that her daughter must cherish, and will forever. <br />
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Frankie, always thoughtful, read a book for me. Oh! The Places You'll Go. He added in his own personality, and it truly is one of my favorite videos of him. He says things throughout it that remind me that he will always be with me no matter what. Maybe you will catch it at the end of this clip. <br />
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I know he is with me. I know he feels when I am sad. I know today he has been by my side. I know I will see him again. And I know he has helped me hurt a little less today. <br />
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I love you Frankie. Thank you for giving me strength, when it feels like I have none. <br />
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<br />It's Toner Timehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18183340009071566706noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3484593924528305346.post-82825899401309866132013-02-07T00:29:00.002-07:002013-02-07T22:51:34.170-07:00Valentine's Schmalentine's? Tonight after a looong day, I had to stop at the store to pick up a few things before heading home. With Valentines Day coming up, and all the pink and red that vomited in the store, I was reminded that it was time to get Frankie a card. (It has continued to be a habit of mine to pick out the perfect cards for him on holidays and other random special days). As I was looking for just the right one, or three, a guy walked by and said....<br />
“Trust me, It’s overrated.” <br />
All I could think was....trust me...It is not. <br />
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Every day you get to spend with a loved one is special, but a day set apart to remind you, and treat the one person in your life just a little more special is not overrated in my book. Frankie and I treated everyday like it was special and often said “Every day is a day for love.” <br />
Our last Valentine’s Day together was in 2008 in Hawaii. It fell on our Thursday night where we would shut out the world, get pizza and sorbet and catch up on all of our TV shows. We stayed in, homemade a heart shaped buffalo chicken pizza (it was so delicious), gave one another our cards, and enjoyed another day of love. <br />
Not one second is overrated....not one. Not even when he is not here and I continue to buy him cards, breathe, live and feel his love. <br />
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So, have a beautiful Valentine's Day and treat everyone you love in your life a little more special. And then remember to do it more often! Every day is a day for love! <br />
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It's Toner Timehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18183340009071566706noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3484593924528305346.post-87184461371336744892013-01-07T23:45:00.000-07:002013-01-07T23:45:23.975-07:00P.S. Happy New YearPlus, Just wanted to say, I am glad to be back to blogger. :) It has been waaaayyyy too long! <br />
My 2012 in review via pinterest. It was an interesting year. I learned a lot, and I am ready to take on 2013 with no regrets. Time to make new mistakes and keep on keepin' on! :) <br />
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<br />It's Toner Timehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18183340009071566706noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3484593924528305346.post-20182258769607828502013-01-07T23:00:00.000-07:002013-01-08T01:24:50.007-07:00The Love of a Father<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_3">I recently saw the movie Les Miserables. I had seen the Broadway show twice while living in NY, but this song really got me during the movie in a way I never understood before. </span></span><br />
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_3">Called "Bring Him Home" </span></span><br />
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_3"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UaI9BPKhExk">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UaI9BPKhExk</a></span></span><br />
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_3">I had to hold back sobs. I let tears roll down my face....in public! Which is not a usual thing for me to do. It made me think of my dad, and it made think about my relationship with God. It made me think of how much they both love me. How much my dad has been here for me. How much he wishes it was him who had been in Frankie's place. He has said it again and again. It made me think of how he caught me in his arms as I fell to the floor on the worst day of my life. How he sobbed for me that day, when two men had to come tell me my husband was killed and personally see his daughters heart shatter. How he held my arm as I saw Frankie's coffin for the first time, and continued to hold it as we followed the caisson and band that led the way to where Frankie was placed in the ground. How he has taken care of me since then. My dad...He is just such an amazing person and I am so thankful for him. </span></span><br />
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_3">I have had some serious God issues since Frankie died. And I am finding my way back to Him. He is my Father in Heaven, and I know he cares for me the same way my own Father does. Even though it sometimes feels like he didn't hear my prayers, my Dad's prayers, our friends and family's prayers, I know that he is still there and waiting for me to forgive him. Him and Frankie are watching out for me, and reminding me of who I am and what I need to be doing. I will keep trying. I hope Frankie is there and I hope he is in the best of care. I know he must be. Because, with my Dad, I am. So, I can only imagine what it must be like for him. </span></span><br />
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<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_3">I have the love of some pretty incredible men. </span></span><br />
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_3"><br /></span></span>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Not only mine and Frankie's smiles, but check out my Dad's!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hs-nmOMzfaE/UOu0XU7uO5I/AAAAAAAABQ4/fdAAUmKnF78/s1600/316469_10150345146540079_1421805840_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="340" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hs-nmOMzfaE/UOu0XU7uO5I/AAAAAAAABQ4/fdAAUmKnF78/s400/316469_10150345146540079_1421805840_n.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I know my Dad was so honored to be at Frankie's Silver Star Ceremony </td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_3"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_3">God on high</span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_4"> </span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_4">Hear my prayer</span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_5"> </span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_5">In my need</span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_6"> </span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_6">You have always been there</span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_7"> </span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_7">He is young</span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_8"> </span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_8">He's afraid</span> </span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_9">Let him rest</span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_10"> </span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_10">Heaven blessed.</span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_11"> </span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_11">Bring him home</span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_12"> </span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_12">Bring him home</span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_13"> </span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_13">Bring him home.</span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_14"> </span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_14">He's like the son I might have known</span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_15"> </span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_15">If God had granted me a son.</span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_16"> </span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_16">The summers die</span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_17">One by one</span><span class="line line-s" id="line_18"><span style="color: #888888; font-size: 0.75em;">.</span></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_18"><span style="color: #888888; font-size: 0.75em;"> </span></span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_18"><span style="color: #888888; font-size: 0.75em;"> </span></span><span class="line line-s" id="line_19">How soon they fly</span> </span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_20">On and on</span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_21"> </span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_21">And I am old</span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_22"> </span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_22">And will be gone.</span> </span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_23">Bring him peace</span>
<span class="line line-s hover" id="line_24"> </span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s hover" id="line_24">Bring him joy</span> </span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s hover" id="line_25">He is young</span>
<span class="line line-s hover" id="line_26"> </span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s hover" id="line_26">He is only a boy</span>
<span class="line line-s hover" id="line_27"> </span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s hover" id="line_27">You can take</span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_28"> </span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_28">You can give</span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_29"> </span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_29">Let him be</span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_30"> </span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_30">Let him live</span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_31"> </span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_31">If I die</span>
<span class="line line-s" id="line_32"> </span></span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span itemscope="" itemtype="http://schema.org/Lyric"><span class="line line-s" id="line_32">Let me die</span></span></i></div>
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<br />
Read more: <a href="http://www.metrolyrics.com/bring-him-home-lyrics-les-miserables.html#ixzz2HMKCiPMC" style="color: #003399;">LES MISERABLES - BRING HIM HOME LYRICS</a> </div>
It's Toner Timehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18183340009071566706noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3484593924528305346.post-30643790122879891402012-01-14T11:44:00.001-07:002012-01-14T11:45:43.871-07:00He lives on.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CeMSOHAuXeY/TxHJwOS9LYI/AAAAAAAABQI/TjxTo6dQvh8/s1600/191966002836268543_upZlWAf4_c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-CeMSOHAuXeY/TxHJwOS9LYI/AAAAAAAABQI/TjxTo6dQvh8/s1600/191966002836268543_upZlWAf4_c.jpg" /></a></div>
<br />
Some days, I get messages from Frankie’s old friends telling me how much he meant to them. They are always special encounters or stories that I often know from Frankie telling me, and they often just confirm what I already know. They mostly just tell me about Frankie’s heart, and his love for them and all those around them and how he lives on in them and will always be a reminder to them to be a better person. Rarely do I cry when I read theses messages, but Chiabella was lucky. She knew a side of Frankie that not everyone got to hear or know of. She knew of his sruggles. She knew that his soul was magic, and special, and unrepeatable. Her message was full of caring and her own personal loss and grief. It was full of heart. I am glad Frankie knew you in his life Chiabella. <br />
<br />
Thank you for these lyrics, and I cannot wait to hear the song! <br />
<br />
<i>I always thought <br />that angels were up in heaven<br />I thought they were sent down to us<br />But I was wrong <br />And now I know<br />You’re walking the earth with me<br />Amongst the angels<br />Cuz they are the ones in need<br />You were saving lives on earth<br />Now you’re saving souls in heaven<br />I know you’re more than a memory<br />Cuz you live on in me<br /><br />They lowered a flag <br />To honor you<br />But I’ll raise it every day<br />To remember<br />Cuz we're the ones who need you<br />You were saving lives on earth<br />Now you’re saving souls in heaven<br />I know you’re more than a memory<br />Cuz you live on in me<br /><br />I know you’re strolling through oak groves<br />smelling the ocean in the breeze<br />With the stars in your eyes<br />And the stripes on your sleeves<br />I know you’re more than a memory<br /><br />You were saving lives on earth<br />Now you’re saving souls in heaven<br />I know you’re more than a memory<br />Because you live on in me<br />You were saving lives on earth<br />Now you’re saving souls in heaven </i>It's Toner Timehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18183340009071566706noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3484593924528305346.post-32791563245625700972012-01-03T02:48:00.000-07:002012-01-03T02:59:46.288-07:00Death is not the end of love"I crawl my way back in your head<br />
To hear you speak and dream again<br />
To touch your lips from deep within<br />
A bit like love and heroin<br />
Across the grave invite the bands<br />
Carry well when the world ends<br />
Across you lay, I lose you when you're in my arms<br />
Just like the wind<br />
<br />
It's not over, over, over.....It's not over, over, over" - Angels & Airwaves - Crawl Lyrics<br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZvsKBRMsFcc/TwLRYTHj9GI/AAAAAAAABQA/RpNF3TFeNWw/s1600/183260_10150103637992181_508037180_6960633_2484051_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-ZvsKBRMsFcc/TwLRYTHj9GI/AAAAAAAABQA/RpNF3TFeNWw/s320/183260_10150103637992181_508037180_6960633_2484051_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/srIWN87pKfY?fs=1" width="480"></iframe>It's Toner Timehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18183340009071566706noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3484593924528305346.post-61504809356848515392011-12-19T22:11:00.000-07:002011-12-19T22:11:09.643-07:00The LonelyI hate the holidays. <br />
I'm trying so hard, and I don't understand this. I miss Frankie, I miss our life. I miss feeling like I belong to something absolutely incredible here on earth, and like I have to wait to be complete again until I die. <br />
I am lonely. I know everyone will say, but you are never alone...he is always there. I know that, but sometimes missing him just takes over, and I cannot shake that painful feeling. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/HO4e4nCYBEo?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HO4e4nCYBEo">Christina Perri: The Lonely</a></div>
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<br />It's Toner Timehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18183340009071566706noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3484593924528305346.post-25772789940062071842011-12-18T23:03:00.000-07:002011-12-18T23:05:42.433-07:00Missing U<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-i_nghN8nCY4/Tu7S0pnBZ7I/AAAAAAAABPg/6ZvtO37hMyo/s1600/107804984799738639_WzD2uHMQ_c.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-i_nghN8nCY4/Tu7S0pnBZ7I/AAAAAAAABPg/6ZvtO37hMyo/s320/107804984799738639_WzD2uHMQ_c.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
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<br />
Sunday nights. There is something that makes this night of the week unbearable. It is a culmination of all the other nights of the week added up without him. It was one of our favorite nights of the week, where after church we would usually pack a lunch and take a stroll down to Lanikai beach, and read our favorite books, or just sit and look out at our favorite place together.<br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3BC4dgqbbUo/Tu7TWgR79yI/AAAAAAAABPo/8VhnDiPnmaw/s1600/Lanikai-Beach-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3BC4dgqbbUo/Tu7TWgR79yI/AAAAAAAABPo/8VhnDiPnmaw/s320/Lanikai-Beach-2.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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We would go home, and usually head outside to barbecue a delicious dinner and play phase 10. We would just laugh and talk and stare at the stars after eating. Sometimes we would take a dip in the pool. And then we would wind up the night relaxed on the couch or cuddled up in bed ready for another week to start. <br />
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I miss our Sundays. I miss every day...but Sundays were always just ours.It's Toner Timehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18183340009071566706noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3484593924528305346.post-31245312456725943462011-11-15T21:51:00.001-07:002011-12-18T23:06:24.741-07:00Links, links and more links to Frankie's Silver Star Ceremony!<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span class="st">“<i>The legacy of heroes is the memory of a great name</i> and the inheritance of a great example. ~Benjamin Disraeli</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
Watch: </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.navy.mil/swf/mmu/mmplyr.asp?id=16441">Frankie's Silver Star Video </a></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9M5GIDy4Ax8/TsNIcYGVsCI/AAAAAAAABPY/BBEVLtiFd8o/s1600/Silver_Star_medal.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9M5GIDy4Ax8/TsNIcYGVsCI/AAAAAAAABPY/BBEVLtiFd8o/s1600/Silver_Star_medal.png" /></a></div>
On September 23, 2011 Frankie received the Silver Star. This medal was well deserved, and I am so proud of him receiving it! Words really cannot accurately describe that day. It was beautifully done, and everything went so smoothly, which I have the amazing Civil Engineer Corps Headquarters in D.C. to thank for it going off without a hitch. Admiral Mullen, former Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, presented the award to Frankie. Him and his wife Debbie have been an amazing support system to me, and I have been fortunate to become rather close to them. Frankie has made some amazing things happen, and meeting them was one of them. The ties I have made with people since Frankie's death has been incredible. Somehow he still manages to bring amazing people together and I know that these meetings have not happened by circumstance. Frankie somehow managed to bring all of our paths together and I am continually proud to call him my husband, my soul-mate, my best friend, and the best person that I have ever met. <br />
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<div style="text-align: center;">
A nice news article:</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.defense.gov/news/newsarticle.aspx?id=65448">http://www.defense.gov/news/newsarticle.aspx?id=65448</a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Full video of the presentation: </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Part I: </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRnURmNm8SE">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TRnURmNm8SE</a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Part II: </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_799416169"><br /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJu74-7mbjI">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VJu74-7mbjI</a></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
This was a day to never forget, and I am just so proud of Frankie. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
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<br />It's Toner Timehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18183340009071566706noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3484593924528305346.post-27960730736021605112011-10-29T19:11:00.002-06:002011-10-29T19:11:50.327-06:00<div style="text-align: center;">
OK! Fine... I'll admit it: </div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hLW_zcWXj1w/TqyhtPYgMKI/AAAAAAAABPQ/6lfn0nS-yak/s1600/tumblr_ltr0cxFZx71qawi3uo1_500_large.gif" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="208" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-hLW_zcWXj1w/TqyhtPYgMKI/AAAAAAAABPQ/6lfn0nS-yak/s320/tumblr_ltr0cxFZx71qawi3uo1_500_large.gif" width="320" /></a></div>
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<br />
I literally have so much to blog about, but lately have been lacking any motivation to do it. I don't know what my problem is, or what is going on with me, but it was like I was hit by a giant wave of reality and grief, and pain, and missing Frankie like crazy. Enough to actually knock me down and make me not want to leave my bed for a week.<br />
<br />
I feel so strange lately, and like I am letting everyone including myself down, but I feel immobile, and stagnant, and like I have been ignoring the reality of how much I hurt. It was just over three years ago we said our last farewells in person, and I put Frankie on a plane to head over to Afghanistan. 6 months later, he was placed in the ground, and then life stopped for a while. Little things in between have kept me going, of course Frankie's love, other amazing widows and friends, my puppy, my dad, and sisters...but every time I actually pause to think about things...It just makes me realize how huge this is, and how much of my life was ripped away from me in a moment..How much my life is never, ever going to be what I expected it to be. It has made me doubt a lot of things, and made me want to throw in the towel.<br />
<br />
But, I know that I won't, I haven't. I just needed a week of pain and sadness to remind me that I am still alive, and still feeling every moment of grief, love, hurt, life, happiness, and allowing it to creep in even though Frankie will not be able to be here physically with me. I sometimes push that pain and grief side away from me. I hate that feeling of drowning, and being knocked down by waves of reality, I hate feeling sorry for myself or miserable. I am really good at pasting on a smile and being pleasant, when I feel like I want to die. But sometimes, I need to let it overcome me, to remind me of why I am still here, and what I need to do.<br />
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<div align="center">
<i>"Don't try to fight the sorrow you feel. The only way to take sorrow out of death is to take love out of life."</i></div>
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<br />It's Toner Timehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18183340009071566706noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3484593924528305346.post-74397111790858733842011-08-20T10:06:00.001-06:002011-08-20T11:13:28.227-06:005 Years<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-KxihvPw-AnA/Tk_TysVi45I/AAAAAAAABPM/xi_SiB_9mds/s1600/1000000724.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="239" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-KxihvPw-AnA/Tk_TysVi45I/AAAAAAAABPM/xi_SiB_9mds/s320/1000000724.jpg" width="320" /></a></div><span id="goog_572676876"></span><span id="goog_572676877"></span><br />
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<br />
Frankie's Grammy is amazing. She was the first family member I met of Frankie's. Her and Grandpa Roger. They have so much love for one another, and I loved Grammy's hugs and Grandpa Roger's winks when he would tease me. Less than a year into dating Frankie, Grandpa Roger had surgery, and unexpectedly died during his recovery. He loved Frankie so much. He attended every Kings Point football game of Frankie's, and spent summer's with him when Frankie was young. He adored him. <br />
<div><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_W7x3YQdICA/Tk99smtVtuI/AAAAAAAABPE/4MY57iS5AXA/s1600/109.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="281" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_W7x3YQdICA/Tk99smtVtuI/AAAAAAAABPE/4MY57iS5AXA/s400/109.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Grammy, Frankie's siblings, cousins, and Grandpa peeking through</td></tr>
</tbody></table><br />
<div><br />
</div><div>Grandpa Rogers funeral was only the 3rd I had ever attended and the only one where I really knew the person. He was an amazing man, with an amazing love. I remember feeling so sad for Grammy knowing that the love they shared was one she would wait for until she saw him again.<br />
<br />
Frankie stood and spoke at the funeral service wearing his academy uniform that Grandpa Roger was so proud to see him in. Grandpa Roger served in World War II. Frankie and I spoke with him about his military service only once. We were out at one of his favorite steak restaurants, and we asked him about that time. Grandpa Roger told us his duty was on the front lines running the communication lines for the men fighting so they could keep in contact with one another. He was literally one of the first ones heading into battle. We saw his eyes glaze over with tears, and could almost see the images that he must have seen, but he did not talk about them. Ever. </div><div><br />
</div><div>I think of him and Grammy often. I thought of Grandpa Roger during our wedding and felt his love there with us. I think of them on our wedding anniversary because every time I look at my ring, I think of the true love they share and the love I share with Frankie. They both gave us the most amazing gift. The gift of a true example of what it means to love eternally. Grammy gave me her wedding band with a note just before Frankie and I got married. I wear it with so much pride, and always will. </div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_i39b-sY02F0/TE-whLcTtoI/AAAAAAAABKs/x6Kx88kBYpc/s1600/Note_Grammy+1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="260" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_i39b-sY02F0/TE-whLcTtoI/AAAAAAAABKs/x6Kx88kBYpc/s400/Note_Grammy+1.jpeg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
</div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_i39b-sY02F0/TE-wjGrbpgI/AAAAAAAABK0/9Wcqbn6j4r4/s1600/Note_Grammy_back.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="247" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_i39b-sY02F0/TE-wjGrbpgI/AAAAAAAABK0/9Wcqbn6j4r4/s400/Note_Grammy_back.jpeg" width="400" /></a></div><br />
</div><div>Grammy knows how much love Frankie and I share. She gave me another gift right after Frankie's funeral. It is a necklace with a swallow on it from a company called DoDo. It's meaning: <i>Come back to me</i><br />
<br />
One of my favorite quotes I have lived by since Frankie died reminds me of this necklace<i>:</i><br />
<i><br />
</i><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">"Be like a bird</div><div style="text-align: center;">That pausing in her flight</div><div style="text-align: center;">A while on boughs to light,</div><div style="text-align: center;">Feels them give way</div><div style="text-align: center;">Beneath her and yet sings, </div><div style="text-align: center;">Knowing that she hath wings." </div><div style="text-align: center;">-Victor Hugo</div><div style="text-align: center;"><i></i></div></div><div><i><br />
</i></div><div>I know Frankie cannot come back to me physically. Although, I hope on occasion he is able to see what I am up to and is able be here in spirit. <br />
There is one thing I have put my faith in on this beautiful journey of life. And that is that I am working my way back to Frankie --- I am growing wings, and moving forever forward in this life and beyond to be with him. I feel him saying <i>Come back to me, my love</i>.<br />
I know the only way to do that is to put one foot in front of the other and live this life fully for not only myself, but for Frankie. To give to others, to keep my faith at the forefront, to exemplify happiness, joy and love, to make new goals and accomplish them even though it is very hard to do that sometimes, and to walk up these uneven, well-worn stairs of faith in this life in front of me. </div><div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_i39b-sY02F0/TM7wvg3k3sI/AAAAAAAABNA/8lO0M3gvw7A/s1600/well+worn+stone+stairway_thumb%5B6%5D_thumb%5B7%5D.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_i39b-sY02F0/TM7wvg3k3sI/AAAAAAAABNA/8lO0M3gvw7A/s400/well+worn+stone+stairway_thumb%5B6%5D_thumb%5B7%5D.jpg" width="265" /></a></div><br />
</div><div>Forever forward, Forever upward, I keep telling myself. I will keep going. Until we meet again. I'm coming back to you, my love ----and our reunion is going to be such an amazing one. </div><div><br />
Happy Anniversary baby, thank you for being the biggest blessing to me in my life, and beyond. </div><br />
<br />
<div><br />
</div><div><br />
</div><div><i><br />
</i></div></div>It's Toner Timehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18183340009071566706noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3484593924528305346.post-25457945048740432532011-07-13T22:22:00.001-06:002011-07-13T22:23:00.087-06:00BodyRockerI am proud to be a BodyRocker! <a href="http://www.bodyrock.tv/">http://www.bodyrock.tv/</a><br />
<br />
I wrote to Zuzana and Freddy, who I discovered last year, just to thank them for their amazing workouts they post online, and other great tips. It has now become an everyday habit doing her awesome workouts. She shared my e-mail online with the rest of the bodyrock community, and the support has been so incredible. I am so thankful for the motivation that this has given me to accomplish all of my workout goals.<br />
<br />
I have loved reading all of the comments, and am so inspired by all of the people who I know are pushing themselves to be their best all around the world, and who I know will continue to motivate me. Feeling good....Now time to work it!! :) <br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_1531199064"><br />
</a><br />
<a href="http://www.bodyrock.tv/2011/07/11/brave-bodyrocker-brooke/">http://www.bodyrock.tv/2011/07/11/brave-bodyrocker-brooke/</a>It's Toner Timehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18183340009071566706noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3484593924528305346.post-68410886746211385892011-06-21T00:45:00.000-06:002011-06-21T00:45:21.324-06:00<div style="text-align: center;"><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3jPDGavTDr0/TgA7FdPc6kI/AAAAAAAABPA/Lp3clSCmhjw/s1600/5304989306_0df204c066_b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="266" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-3jPDGavTDr0/TgA7FdPc6kI/AAAAAAAABPA/Lp3clSCmhjw/s400/5304989306_0df204c066_b.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>"A portion of your soul has been <br />
entwined with mine <br />
A gentle kind of togetherness, while <br />
separately we stand. <br />
As two trees deeply rooted in <br />
separate plots of ground, <br />
While their topmost branches <br />
come together, <br />
Forming a miracle of lace <br />
against the heavens."<br />
<br />
Baby, I have just been so thankful for your soul lately and all it has given me. In the times where I have needed you the most, you have been here. On the days, I just want to quit, you have gently reminded me that you are here. I miss you so much, but in my soul you always stay. You have found a way to reach into my heart and have kept me going strong and full of love and life. And without you physically here, that in itself is a miracle. <br />
Together forever we will stand, and our souls will never part.<br />
<br />
I am so in love with you. You are my best-friend, my soul-mate, my heart.<br />
<br />
I love you more and more with each setting sun, and I know you are with me always. <br />
<br />
Love, Your Wifey<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
</div>It's Toner Timehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18183340009071566706noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3484593924528305346.post-91146421544768074872011-06-08T01:08:00.000-06:002011-06-08T01:08:19.010-06:00Today<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wTxDiotNbYo/Te8ebjwm0qI/AAAAAAAABO8/lrJwI356R7g/s1600/tumblr_ll2ta5k5ct1qc0yn6o1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="185" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wTxDiotNbYo/Te8ebjwm0qI/AAAAAAAABO8/lrJwI356R7g/s400/tumblr_ll2ta5k5ct1qc0yn6o1_500.jpg" width="400" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;">Today, I learned how to ride Frankie's motorcycle. </div><div style="text-align: center;">Turning the key, and having it start was music to my ears after not hearing it for nearly three years. </div><div style="text-align: center;">I am so happy he had the chance to have that before he died and that we lived every day to the fullest. </div><div style="text-align: center;">Today I am thankful for great friends, and people who motivate me to be more and do more. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Today I am thankful for finding out Frankie is receiving a Silver Star. </div><div style="text-align: center;">A much deserved honor...</div><div style="text-align: center;">and even though it does not bring him back to me,</div><div style="text-align: center;"> it just makes me even more proud (if that is even possible). </div><div style="text-align: center;">Today I am blessed with an amazing family, who I love being around...even if it means staying in Idaho for a while. I am thankful that Idaho is actually growing on me...</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Today, I am ready to take on new challenges and work hard for an amazing cause. </div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">Today --- and tomorrow, and the days that follow....I will be thankful, and I will be hopeful.</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div>It's Toner Timehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18183340009071566706noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3484593924528305346.post-89832560658812101392011-05-06T23:42:00.000-06:002011-05-06T23:42:28.270-06:00The Biggest Loser :)<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7NAXBRz0peQ/TcTZWFQwOdI/AAAAAAAABO4/yPaA1c0AMjM/s1600/i66RLtlBxqu1xon0hRCq508do1_400_large.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7NAXBRz0peQ/TcTZWFQwOdI/AAAAAAAABO4/yPaA1c0AMjM/s320/i66RLtlBxqu1xon0hRCq508do1_400_large.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Image and quote borrowed from American Widow Project's Weekend Wisdom.</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br />
</td></tr>
</tbody></table><h6 class="uiStreamMessage" data-ft="{"type":"msg"}" style="font-family: Georgia,"Times New Roman",serif; font-weight: normal; text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: small;"><i><span class="messageBody">“If you try anything, try to live, if you try to lose weight, or to improve yourself, or to love, or to make the world a better place, you have already achieved something wonderful, before you even begin. Forget failure. If things don’t work out the way you want, hold your head up high and be proud. And try again. And again. And again!”<br />
-Sarah Dessen</span></i></span></h6>Well....I didn't win the 12-week challenge. Not even in my category. I was somewhat disappointed, but proud at least to have made it to the finals. I know that I am feeling better, and will continue to work hard at the goals I have set for myself. <br />
<br />
I have heard from several people that they thought I should have won, at least in my category, but I guess you can't force people to make the right decisions! :) haha. I really did make a huge transformation, and am proud of where I am, and where I am headed. <br />
<br />
I am still as motivated as ever on this healthy lifestyle. Although, in New Orleans I caved a couple of times eating things I probably shouldn't have....but man, that southern food. And those macaroons...yummmmm! <br />
<br />
I have been through so much the past two years, that just signing up and completing the challenge was good enough for me. (Shhhhh...hush down competitive side...Second place is <b>not</b> the first loser)! :) <br />
<br />
But really, it is so nice to see pictures of myself and not hate looking at it. I felt so disgusting before and am glad that I am getting back to who I am, and in more ways than just weight loss....I am feeling more motivated in so many aspects of life, and that is what it is all about. <br />
<br />
I will take a picture of my before and after and may even consider posting it on here....maybe :) It's Toner Timehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18183340009071566706noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3484593924528305346.post-20470616146497537352011-05-06T01:15:00.003-06:002011-05-06T16:11:08.013-06:00RenewedI spent this past weekend in New Orleans with 14 other military widows. I have had some time to process the whole weekend. and just wanted to share with you a little bit of what I have come away with from the AWP Give Back Getaway.<br />
<br />
I was interviewed by CNN while we were doing work on a house for a woman named Tanya, who literally lost everything because of Hurricane Katrina. She lost her home, her health, her financial means, and her community, all because of the devastating affects of a storm, and a breaking levee.<br />
<br />
During the interview I was asked several questions, but the one that stood out was...How does coming and serving this community with the AWP help you with your loss?<br />
<br />
At the time it was a difficult question to answer. I knew the two were tied together, and I know that serving others helps to take my burdens away, but it was so much more than that. Here we were...a group of 15 military widows, helping rebuild the life of another person. We did not lose the roofs over our heads, but we did lose our sense of home, our sense of belonging and our sense of safety, when we lost the person who we love the most.<br />
<br />
By helping Tanya rebuild her home together, we were rebuilding ourselves as well. We were working together for the common good of humanity, and trying to get a sense of that goodness back as well. <br />
<br />
When we went to a homecoming celebration for a family moving back in to their rebuilt home it all came together for me. One of the St. Bernard Project volunteers was saying a few words and what he said really struck a chord. He said that it was amazing that volunteers like us, nearly 6 years later were continuing to come to New Orleans and that we are the true heroes. We are the ones who have not forgotten the people of New Orleans and their struggle. In reality, it is not even myself or the other volunteers, it is the amazing people who envisioned the organization for volunteers to be able to continue to come make a difference with direction. They saw the need, and their vision and heroic efforts made the <a href="http://www.stbernardproject.org/v158/">St. Bernard Projec</a>t what it is today. <br />
It made me think of how people so easily forget devastation. If they are not directly affected by it, their lives move on just as they always did. They might add it to their prayers, or just see it on the news the week afterwards, but then....Nothing. It is tucked away in their minds and forgotten. Even I do that, and did do that with Hurricane Katrina. It took seeing it with my own eyes, the continuing struggle of the people there. <br />
<br />
Sometimes it feels the same way with the wars that we are fighting overseas. One of my biggest fears is that people will just simply forget Frankie, and will not talk about him 5, 10, 15 years down the road. And even though no one can heal me, or rebuild a home for me...they can mention him, talk about who he was when he was alive. That is healing for me. And the best people I have found to talk about him with are other military widows. They have brought me back into this life, and taught me so much, and have made me realize that my journey is my own. They have helped to sand away some of the rough edges that built up in my soul after Frankie was killed, and I know they will never forget, because they have experienced a loss as big as mine....<br />
<br />
So, how did this weekend help me with my loss? It reminded me to keep hope, and to be positive, and to always look for the good in people just how Frankie always did, because somewhere along their path in life they have known struggle. It reminded me that humanity still exists, and there is so much good to be done in this world...we just have to keep our minds and hearts open to it, and not forget about those around us.<br />
<br />
I am so thankful for the<a href="http://www.americanwidowproject.org/"> American Widow Project</a>. It was truly inspired by love...true, unconditional love, that continues to be shared by all those who choose to be involved.It's Toner Timehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18183340009071566706noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3484593924528305346.post-11467083661863565252011-04-19T22:45:00.001-06:002011-04-19T23:54:55.348-06:00One of those daysI have so much to catch up on with blogging, like Frankie's amazing bridge, my 12-week challenge results, and getting through the two year anniversary, but I tried starting those blogs today and realized...<br />
<br />
That today just sucks. There is no other way to put it. I miss Frankie so much. I laid down last night and felt so alone. I woke up feeling the same way. It has been hard to smile today, and to put on my happy face. <br />
<br />
It hurts today. My whole being aches for for Frankie. My void is so deep, that I feel like nothing can get me out of it. But that is just today....Or is it? Because tonight, I will go to sleep alone, and tomorrow I will wake up alone....<br />
and the next day,<br />
and the next day,<br />
and the next.<br />
<br />
4 years and 8 months baby. I miss our monthly wedding anniversary dates. I hope tomorrow will be better.It's Toner Timehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18183340009071566706noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3484593924528305346.post-57875725460655838932011-03-19T23:57:00.001-06:002011-03-20T00:00:42.294-06:00ONE<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-60jPyQER5hQ/TWS-GDlFyEI/AAAAAAAABO0/mWAqPIGNE3I/s1600/ihavealwaysknownitwasyou-poster.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-60jPyQER5hQ/TWS-GDlFyEI/AAAAAAAABO0/mWAqPIGNE3I/s320/ihavealwaysknownitwasyou-poster.jpg" width="206" /></a></div>When Frankie and I first started dating in March of 2003, we fell in love so fast. It was just so natural and perfect. It was as if my whole life led up to that moment of meeting him about 7 months before, becoming good friends, and him developing feelings for me that I was unaware of...until that first weekend we spent alone together. I kept telling myself we were "just friends" going on a snowboarding trip together and staying over at his Grammy and Grandpa's. <br />
<br />
Even when we cuddled a bit on the couch watching Braveheart, he put his arm around me, and asked me if it was OK. I enjoyed it, but kept insisting we were only friends. I fell asleep with his arm around me. I remember waking up as the movie was almost over. He was still awake and just looking at me. He smiled and said I looked so cute sleeping. We went upstairs to go into our separate bedrooms, but we ended up in the bathroom brushing our teeth together. We just brushed and smiled and looked at each other. It could have been awkward, but I got the feeling that we would be brushing our teeth together more often. And then he asked me to spend the next weekend with him. He did not want me to be alone on Easter weekend, since I had not planned a trip home. Easter with his family. It was wonderful. <br />
<br />
From there our relationship blossomed. It was so easy. We were great friends, becoming best-friends, and we had so many special moments in the first few weeks. Our love story was finally coming true; we had found one another and it felt like we knew one another forever. And from the moment we kissed..we just felt the magic between us. We knew we were made for one another. I remember a few days after Easter, I was dropping Frankie off at his school. Both of us did not want to part. It was a warm night, with a misty rain. I remembered a baseball field not to far from his school. I went and parked, and grabbed a blanket from the back of my car. We went to the middle of the field and just talked and laughed in the drizzle. We kissed our second time, and it was... to say the least, spectacular. I remember Frankie got a little uncomfortable, like he wanted to say something, but was holding back. So, he said..."If there was a ever a moment to tell you I love you...this would be it." Then he got even more uncomfortable and was like.. "Does that freak you out?" Without any hesitation, I said, "No, not at all. And you are right, this would be a perfect time." So without saying it, because we knew how serious those three words of "I LOVE YOU" are, we both knew that this was it! We had found each other. We were up talking until dawn, and then we went and got hot chocolate at Dunkin' Donuts. <br />
<br />
This was only about 2 1/2 weeks into us seeing one another. It was unexplainable, but it was as if lighting struck and from there on out, our commitment was unwavering. Those feelings literally never weakened during our six years together. If anything it was enhanced. Those butterflies got stronger, and we would just look at one another and wonder how we were so blessed. <br />
<br />
We had known we were similar when we were friends, but we quickly discovered we were just like one another. Weird, outgoing, friendly, adventurous...I had always dreamed of someone like this, but did not think it was possible to meet him.<br />
<br />
With Frankie there was never any fear. When we finally said, "I love you" about a month and a half later, it was perfect. We just knew that this was it. It is almost impossible to explain.<br />
<br />
This time of year, I am always reminded of our first snowboarding outing. I always think of those first wonderful times that led to what we have now...eternal love. I always had dreamed of meeting the perfect man for me...and without any doubt Frankie and I were each other's dreams coming true. <br />
<br />
I have so many wonderful memories that outweigh the bad this time of year. It was exactly the same weekend 6 years later when Frankie gave his life for his friends. Next weekend will be tough coming up on two years of Frankie's death. I have been really emotional, and this month has been a tough one for me. <br />
<br />
I really cannot describe how it feels...but there is one thing that I know. Frankie is my one and only. Always has been, always will be.<br />
<br />
I had written this poem a long time ago...even before I met Frankie. I always wanted to find the man to give it to. It belongs to Frankie and I am so blessed that I had the chance to give it to him.<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">ONE</div><div style="text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div style="text-align: center;">You are the one for me</div><div style="text-align: center;">The one I love so honestly</div><div style="text-align: center;">I want you to know</div><div style="text-align: center;">I'll be there for you</div><div style="text-align: center;">Love you like a lady should</div><div style="text-align: center;">You don't have a clue</div><div style="text-align: center;">How much I love you</div><div style="text-align: center;">I see forever in your gaze</div><div style="text-align: center;">My soul in your heart</div><div style="text-align: center;">An eternity of love</div><div style="text-align: center;">With the best start</div><div style="text-align: center;">Take my heart and make it yours</div><div style="text-align: center;">You are my best friend for sure</div><div style="text-align: center;">My eyes locked to your strength</div><div style="text-align: center;">In your arms I'm so secure</div><div style="text-align: center;">I don't think I understand</div><div style="text-align: center;">That we'll always be</div><div style="text-align: center;">Or you will ever know</div><div style="text-align: center;">How much you mean to me</div>It's Toner Timehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18183340009071566706noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3484593924528305346.post-63771461038962638382011-03-03T01:11:00.000-07:002011-03-03T01:11:19.781-07:00Our "first song"So, when Frankie and I first started dating, he did not have a car because he was at a military academy. No cars allowed until their senior year. I quickly became his sugar mama, ride giving lady. That's right! Mmmhmmm :)<br />
<br />
On our first trip alone together, we were driving up to his Grammy's before heading snowboarding the following morning. We were in my radio-less car. It was really awesome actually because we did not need the radio at all. Well, at some point during the ride, I started humming a song. Frankie was like....<i>whoa! What song is that? </i><br />
<br />
I told him and apparently he sang it almost every morning to himself and his roommate for the past little while, and never knew who it was. Both of us had not heard it forever, but would always randomly sing it. <i>Brainwaves...</i>maybe! It <b>is</b> a soul-mate thing, I swear! <br />
<br />
So, I literally have not heard this song since I have been with Frankie and it was definitely a few years before he was killed. And we only heard it maybe twice together...besides when we would bust out singing it at random times. <br />
<br />
Well, tonight, after a not-so-great day...I heard it! The timing was just right. I had unplugged my i-pod from my car stereo...which rarely (never) happens. I turned it to a random station and on came that song. It ended just as I pulled up to the gym. Perfect timing. <br />
<br />
I couldn't help but laugh out loud. I busted out the song like how I would when Frankie and I sang it together. I had a huge smile on my face, and I said..."Hey baby." It was just as if he was right next to me, smiling and remembering "Our first song." I got those familiar chills that make it feel as if he was right there with me in spirit.<br />
<br />
And tomorrow, I will wake in the morning, and step outside, take a deep breath...and just keep on breathing knowing he is right there....always. <br />
<br />
And this is the first time I have EVER watched this video. It is pretty strange...<br />
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_100779514"><br />
</a><br />
<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NXnxTNIWkc">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NXnxTNIWkc</a><br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/6NXnxTNIWkc?fs=1" width="425"></iframe>It's Toner Timehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18183340009071566706noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3484593924528305346.post-32549677086949315722011-02-19T22:03:00.001-07:002011-04-20T00:01:08.288-06:00One month down! 8 weeks to go!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Ld5Z3wp_9Ho/TWCdUdc4A4I/AAAAAAAABOM/wFZO4WCMMi0/s1600/calendar-1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Ld5Z3wp_9Ho/TWCdUdc4A4I/AAAAAAAABOM/wFZO4WCMMi0/s1600/calendar-1.jpg" /></a></div>Well, one month has flown by! I can say that I am looking better and feeling better. I have lost some poundage, inches, and quite a bit of body fat percentage, and am getting really excited about the next couple of months...and even after.<br />
<br />
I have been working out consistently 6 days a week and going really hard. <i>At least</i> 2-3 hours a day. <br />
I know 2 hours sounds like a lot, but for me 2+ hours is necessary. Every exercise I do serves its purpose. Back in the day, I would work out whenever I could between work and school, and on Saturdays I would do my own solo triathlons just for fun. So, sometimes I got in 3-4 hours of working out a day. When people say they do not have time for it... I say baloney! Even if it is just a couple of times a week, for 30 minutes. There IS time! <br />
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Of course, I do not have a job right now, or kids, so I could work out for 8 hours if I wanted to. :) But, when I was working, going to school, and being an awesome girlfriend and wifey, I just made time for it. I would study while doing cardio on the treadmill, or sometimes even coerce my boss into doing a fitness video with me. And of course, Frankie was a fitness phenom, so we worked out all the time together. And if we weren't working out, we were snowboarding, rock-climbing, playing volleyball, ping-pong, basketball, swimming, surfing, or trying some other fun sport! We motivated one another perfectly. <br />
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This 2+ hours does not include my walks with my puppy wuppy doo doo. Those are usually around 30 - 45 minutes. On Sunday, I try to take it easy, but take a much longer walk/jog with Kai.<br />
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On top of that, I hired a personal trainer, who has given me a workout plan and some really fun, but really tough workouts a couple of times a week, and he is just really awesome. He knows I am really serious about this, and has actually mentioned once I lose the weight that I should do a fitness competition. He does them....and I can see that being a good goal, but first I have to lose 30+ pounds! ha! <br />
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It really has not been hard at all. It is amazing how much more energy I have. Even when I am not working out, I feel like I need to be doing something. Besides my intense workouts, I am eating the right balance of foods that my body is fueled the best by. I have always eaten clean, healthy, organic foods, but the last couple of years it has been hard to consistently feed myself right. My metabolism went all crazy because I started eating less frequently, and that on top of stress did me in. Now, I know that for me, I have to stay consistent.<br />
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I am not one of those girls who can get away with light workouts, and sort of eating healthy. I have to be all in. So, I am all in for the long-term! 8 weeks are going to fly-by, but even after that, I am so excited to maintain and even get better over time. Frankie and I were immensely inspired by <a href="http://www.esquire.com/features/don-wildman-0508">Don Wildman</a>. Seriously, if you have the time, click on his name and read the article about this man! Both Frankie and I aspired to be like him when we were old! I want to get back in shape so I can keep having more adventures like the ones Frankie and I had together. <br />
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I felt like I had lost a huge piece of who I was by not working out consistently. I absolutely love it. Always have. Now, there is no stopping me! It is so amazing because I had the drive to workout before Frankie died, but now it feels so different. Sometimes my workouts are pretty insane, but I smile the whole time because I know I push myself harder because of how blessed I feel to still have my body and spirit together. I am amazed really at all that our human form is capable of and know that Frankie would want me to use it to the up-most of it's abilities. I know he smiles every time I think to myself <i>"<b>Can't</b> is a bad word."</i> And of course his favorite, <i>"Pain is only weakness leaving the body." </i><br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-U-US8BpuM9A/TWCdz0M7pcI/AAAAAAAABOQ/2qMF9rtuc08/s1600/1064b.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-U-US8BpuM9A/TWCdz0M7pcI/AAAAAAAABOQ/2qMF9rtuc08/s320/1064b.jpg" width="213" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is just for my own personal motivation :) Every time I run, I think of this in my head! </td></tr>
</tbody></table>I feel amazing. Man, I missed this feeling. Can't wait for another good workout tomorrow. :)It's Toner Timehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18183340009071566706noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3484593924528305346.post-66603955870699889462011-02-15T00:00:00.001-07:002011-02-15T00:09:26.267-07:00Happy<div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WYwJH8p_Ugc/TVohcKGOOHI/AAAAAAAABOE/rrhpNgsG4T8/s1600/AWP+Form.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-WYwJH8p_Ugc/TVohcKGOOHI/AAAAAAAABOE/rrhpNgsG4T8/s320/AWP+Form.jpeg" width="291" /></a></div><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-15xEQ2KfJ3A/TVohjampkgI/AAAAAAAABOI/8F-9P3t6oN8/s1600/la+1.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-15xEQ2KfJ3A/TVohjampkgI/AAAAAAAABOI/8F-9P3t6oN8/s320/la+1.jpeg" width="263" /></a></div><br />
Frankie and I always got each other cards. Usually 2 or 3 at a time because we liked funny ones and weird ones, and serious ones. We always gave each other random cards during the year. But, I went through all of our Valentine ones this morning. I love them all for different reasons, but this one just summed up so much of of what I feel every day. And Frankie would always fill up the whole other side of my cards with the most loving words.<br />
Frankie and I were always so blissfully happy because we had each other. And even now I feel that bliss because I know he is around me always. <i> </i>Today I could not help but just celebrate our love even more than I always do. I saw a few things during the day where I knew he was with me, and I couldn't help but smile because I knew he was next to me...making me happy. Man, I love my husband so much. It is amazing how it is so strong, and even stronger through all of this.<br />
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I have put the following that Frankie wrote to me on my blog before....but I love it so much, and it is the perfect thing for me that sums up our never-ending love. Happy Valentine's Day! <br />
<br />
<br />
<i>Brooke, </i></div><i><br />
<div>There is an ocean which no eye can see the end. There are no sides, no beaches, no banks, or beds - Just water that continues forever. Within this sea that has no end there is just two people. Just you and me - swimming and splashing, laughing and kissing. I hold you close as I lift my hand from the water we watch the water drip off my skin and it goes back to the ocean drop by drop. I look into your eyes so blue and true to me and say - "Each drop that must fall to fill this ocean is from my heart and each one is a piece of my love I have for you. As you can see it is never-ending. Never. With each passing unit of time my sea of love deepens for you Brooke. I love you."</div><div>Love,</div><div>Frankie<br />
<br />
</div></i>It's Toner Timehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18183340009071566706noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3484593924528305346.post-35120701215081034412011-02-04T00:12:00.000-07:002011-02-04T00:12:13.544-07:00Heart BreakTonight I am getting that feeling. That overwhelming build up of emotions inside. My eyes brimming with tears. Missing my love so much. That tightening of my chest, because I feel my heart snap again from the pain. <br />
<i>"I stood still, vision blurring, and in that moment, I heard my heart break. It was a small, clean sound, like the snapping of a flower’s stem." — Diana Gabaldon</i><br />
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I miss his laugh so much. I miss all the silly things I would do, just to make him laugh. To see those eyes light up with love for me, is better than watching the most gorgeous sunrise or sunset I could ever imagine. I loved it when he would just look at me, and then he would take a deep breath, and I would realize I had stopped breathing too, and we would both just breath in...and no words had to be said, because it was just so right. <br />
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And now my tears have fallen, and I will go to sleep, on my tear stained pillow with hopes of dreaming of his eyes looking into mine. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_i39b-sY02F0/TUumJjWg6UI/AAAAAAAABN4/Ra8jnSgsJiQ/s1600/DSC00510.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="251" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_i39b-sY02F0/TUumJjWg6UI/AAAAAAAABN4/Ra8jnSgsJiQ/s320/DSC00510.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>And tomorrow I will awake, and I will pick up the broken pieces and gather my broken heart, again... and I will choose to smile and will continue to dream and hope for what will be, with our eternal love guiding me...It's Toner Timehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18183340009071566706noreply@blogger.com6