When Frankie and I first started dating in March of 2003, we fell in love so fast.  It was just so natural and perfect.  It was as if my whole life led up to that moment of meeting him about 7 months before, becoming good friends, and him developing feelings for me that I was unaware of...until that first weekend we spent alone together.  I kept telling myself we were "just friends"  going on a snowboarding trip together and staying over at his Grammy and Grandpa's.  

Even when we cuddled a bit on the couch watching Braveheart, he put his arm around me, and asked me if it was OK.  I enjoyed it, but kept insisting we were only friends.  I fell asleep with his arm around me.  I remember waking up as the movie was almost over.  He was still awake and just looking at me.  He smiled and said I looked so cute sleeping.  We went upstairs to go into our separate bedrooms, but we ended up in the bathroom brushing our teeth together.  We just brushed and smiled and looked at each other.  It could have been awkward, but I got the feeling that we would be brushing our teeth together more often.  And then he asked me to spend the next weekend with him. He did not want me to be alone on Easter weekend, since I had not planned a trip home.  Easter with his family.  It was wonderful. 

From there our relationship blossomed.  It was so easy.  We were great friends, becoming best-friends, and we had so many special moments in the first few weeks.  Our love story was finally coming true; we had found one another and it felt like we knew one another forever.  And from the moment we kissed..we just felt the magic between us.  We knew we were made for one another.  I remember a few days after Easter, I was dropping Frankie off at his school.  Both of us did not want to part.  It was a warm night, with a misty rain.  I remembered a baseball field not to far from his school.  I went and parked, and grabbed a blanket from the back of my car.  We went to the middle of the field and just talked and laughed in the drizzle.  We kissed our second time, and it was... to say the least, spectacular.  I remember Frankie got a little uncomfortable, like he wanted to say something, but was holding back.  So, he said..."If there was a ever a moment to tell you I love you...this would be it."  Then he got even more uncomfortable and was like.. "Does that freak you out?" Without any hesitation, I said, "No, not at all. And you are right, this would be a perfect time."  So without saying it, because we knew how serious those three words of "I LOVE YOU"  are, we both knew that this was it! We had found each other.  We were up talking until dawn, and then we went and got hot chocolate at Dunkin' Donuts. 

This was only about 2 1/2 weeks into us seeing one another.  It was unexplainable, but it was as if lighting struck and from there on out, our commitment was unwavering. Those feelings literally never weakened during our six years together.  If anything it was enhanced.  Those butterflies got stronger, and we would just look at one another and wonder how we were so blessed. 

We had known we were similar when we were friends, but we quickly discovered we were just like one another.  Weird, outgoing, friendly, adventurous...I had always dreamed of someone like this, but did not think it was possible to meet him.

With Frankie there was never any fear.  When we finally said, "I love you"  about a month and a half later, it was perfect.  We just knew that this was it.  It is almost impossible to explain.

This time of year, I am always reminded of our first snowboarding outing.  I always think of those first wonderful times that led to what we have now...eternal love.  I always had dreamed of meeting the perfect man for me...and without any doubt Frankie and I were each other's dreams coming true.

I have so many wonderful memories that outweigh the bad this time of year.  It was exactly the same weekend 6 years later when Frankie gave his life for his friends.  Next weekend will be tough coming up on two years of Frankie's death. I have been really emotional, and this month has been a tough one for me.

I really cannot describe how it feels...but there is one thing that I know.  Frankie is my one and only.  Always has been, always will be.

I had written this poem a long time ago...even before I met Frankie.  I always wanted to find the man to give it to.   It belongs to Frankie and I am so blessed that I had the chance to give it to him.


You are the one for me
The one I love so honestly
I want you to know
I'll be there for you
Love you like a lady should
You don't have a clue
How much I love you
I see forever in your gaze
My soul in your heart
An eternity of love
With the best start
Take my heart and make it yours
You are my best friend for sure
My eyes locked to your strength
In your arms I'm so secure
I don't think I understand
That we'll always be
Or you will ever know
How much you mean to me


Our "first song"

So, when Frankie and I first started dating, he did not have a car because he was at a military academy. No cars allowed until their senior year.  I quickly became his sugar mama, ride giving lady.  That's right! Mmmhmmm :)

On our first trip alone together, we were driving up to his Grammy's before heading snowboarding the following morning.  We were in my radio-less car.  It was really awesome actually because we did not need the radio at all.  Well, at some point during the ride, I started humming a song.  Frankie was like....whoa! What song is that?  

I told him and apparently he sang it almost every morning to himself and his roommate for the past little while, and never knew who it was.  Both of us had not heard it forever, but would always randomly sing it.  Brainwaves...maybe!  It is a soul-mate thing, I swear! 

So, I literally have not heard this song since I have been with Frankie and it was definitely a few years before he was killed. And we only heard it maybe twice together...besides when we would bust out singing it at random times.  

Well, tonight, after a not-so-great day...I heard it!  The timing was just right.  I had unplugged my i-pod from my car stereo...which rarely (never) happens.  I turned it to a random station and on came that song.  It ended just as I pulled up to the gym.  Perfect timing. 

I couldn't help but laugh out loud.  I busted out the song like how I would when Frankie and I sang it together.  I had a huge smile on my face, and I said..."Hey baby."  It was just as if he was right next to me, smiling and remembering "Our first song."  I got those familiar chills that make it feel as if he was right there with me in spirit.

And tomorrow, I will wake in the morning, and step outside, take a deep breath...and just keep on breathing knowing he is right there....always.  

And this is the first time I have EVER watched this video.  It is pretty strange...