For you my love, it's all for you.

A few days ago I went hiking up to Maunawili Falls. It is a nice waterfall with a couple of good cliff jumping points. I started off on one of the smaller jumps, and then moved up to a slightly more difficult to get to ledge, by going over the waterfall, and scrambling up a rock face. I hesitated for a few minutes --- and then the craziest thing happened --- one random guy there started something that Frankie would always do to motivate people …the slow clap! In that instant, I knew my love was watching me and encouraging me, to face my fear and jump from the ledge. I smiled and noticed every single person around the whole falls area joined in and was doing the slow clap…for me! In that instant I pictured Frankie’s smiling face and his love for me, watching me, motivating me. So, I jumped! And by my jumping others who were hesitant to jump from this point were motivated to do it as well.

Then I wanted to jump from one of the highest points. I got up there, and was a little chicken for a while. For some reason I really had to motivate myself on this jump --- it seemed soooo much higher from the previous one. So, here I was standing at the top, looking down, feeling weak in the knees, my stomach doing somersaults. It was pretty scary. But I knew I would never turn back. I knew I would make the leap; I just had to motivate myself to do it. And so, I did…and it was amazing.

Sometimes I feel so scared. This deep fear and grief take over every part of me. I remember after finding out about Frankie --- I kept asking over and over again….”What do I do?” “What do I do?”

Most days I still ask myself that --- and most days I don’t know what to do or even want to live life --- but I know that with my love’s motivation and unconditional support, he will keep clapping until I am ready to make the leap back into living life. And although it may take a while and will be a drastically different life than I ever pictured for myself, I do know that it will be amazing --- especially with the knowledge of the true love I carry with me and where the end of the journey will take me --- back to him. For you my love, it's all for you.

For you I will be
For you I will stay
For you I will conquer
For you I will pray

For you I will live
For you I will see
For you I will cry
For you I will breathe

For you I will laugh
For you I will seek
For you I will find
For you I will leap

For you I will smile
For you I will try
For you I will run
For you till I die
And ever after
For you my love --- it’s all for you.

B.T.