1.20.2010

3 years 5 months



Three years and five months. Frankie and I have been married for three years and five months today. I know most people celebrate the year marks, but every month on the 19th, I think of our wedding anniversary. Frankie and I always did something to celebrate it every month. He would always make it a special day, if even in the smallest of ways. One of the last texts I got from him was at 2 years and 7 months (Just 8 days before he was killed). It said “Happy 2 years 7 months baby! I love and miss you so much! Wish I could be there.”

Do you want to know what I did for our 3 year and 5 month anniversary? Probably not…but I am going to tell you. Today I set up moving all of our things from Hawaii to Idaho. Today I said the words Casualty Report too often. Today while going through paperwork, I found one titled “Disposition of Remains” that sent chills throughout my entire body.
Today I realized just how real all of this is. I am preparing myself to go to our storage unit in two days to assist the movers in moving our life together. All of his things are in there, besides his belongings from Afghanistan which came back in 14 black sea chests. His awards, his clothes, his sports gear, his pictures, his love notes from me, our lamps, our wedding album, our hopes, our dreams --- in a storage unit. Our life is in a storage unit.

I love you; I miss you and am even more in love with you at 3 years 5 months. I wish I could be there.
~I Miss You~
Somber days and nights
Looking for some truth
The day I thought would come
Never did
Leaving me here
To dwell among those who shall never know me like you.
I partake of nothing, of happiness, or peace.
My joy dissipated --- my heart left with you.
The lights have faded
My blue eyes now grey
I hate the way the world spins now
And continues on its way
I simply exist now
Just wandering through
This valley of grief, of circumstance ---
I prayed would never happen to a love so true.
My words will never adequately tell
How much I miss you.
B.T.

4 comments:

aloveinterrupted said...

Happy 3 years and 5 months! For me, the wedding anniversary has always brought more pain then the anniversary of his death. For it was that day that I will always consider the most magical, pure and unscathed day. It's a celebration of our love and unlike the day he was killed, the day i wish i could go back to most....

Clair said...

Brook, your words are so powerful and heartfelt. You are such a beautiful person.

Beau & Lenette said...

*sigh* I wish it wasn't so hard....just remember it's okay to cry that day..you don't need to be strong for anyone. He (Frankie and our Heavenly Father) will be with you, to help you through. I love you!

The Gough's said...

I don't have your email address, but I've been meaning to get in touch. I will be in Maui in a couple weeks. I'm not even sure if that is the island you are on or if you will be moving before then. I'd love to see you. Email me - shondelgough@hotmail.com. And...beautiful poem. You are amazing.