2.04.2011

Heart Break

Tonight I am getting that feeling.  That overwhelming build up of emotions inside. My eyes brimming with tears.  Missing my love so much.  That tightening of my chest, because I feel my heart snap again from the pain. 
"I stood still, vision blurring, and in that moment, I heard my heart break. It was a small, clean sound, like the snapping of a flower’s stem." — Diana Gabaldon

I miss his laugh so much.  I miss all the silly things I would do, just to make him laugh.  To see those eyes light up with love for me, is better than watching the most gorgeous sunrise or sunset I could ever imagine.  I loved it when he would just look at me, and then he would take a deep breath, and I would realize I had stopped breathing too, and we would both just breath in...and no words had to be said, because it was just so right. 

And now my tears have fallen, and I will go to sleep, on my tear stained pillow with hopes of dreaming of his eyes looking into mine. 

And tomorrow I will awake, and I will pick up the broken pieces and gather my broken heart, again... and I will choose to smile and will continue to dream and hope for what will be,  with our eternal love guiding me...

6 comments:

Allison said...

same<3 Just nodding my head in agreement.

Fellow Military Wife said...

As a Marine Wife, I stumbled across your page reading other 'war widows' blogs and I can honestly say that you are truely amazing. I started from the post you had writeen today and in between helping customers at my job I have read every single post that you and Frankie had written. I am amazed by your courage and strength throughout this journey without your husband by your side. I have saw that you both love to travel and make the best of life, and how you are carrying that on without him physically here amazes me. Don't ever let someone tell you any different girl. You give hope for the rest of us, and may Frankie watch down on you everyday.

With Military Love

"even on the weakest days, I get a little bit stronger"

aloveinterrupted said...

dude.....it happened here tonight....majorly.

I was watching "Never Let Me Go" and all of it just glazed the grief mountaintop just enough to make it tumble......


the simple grasp of a hand....fingers so gently finding their place in a home that was built long before they knew...a home that we ache and year to be whole once more......



"I come here and imagine that this is the spot where everything I've lost since my childhood is washed out. I tell myself, if that were true, and I waited long enough then a tiny figure would appear on the horizon across the field and gradually get larger until I'd see it was him. He'd wave. And maybe call. I don't let the fantasy go beyond that, I can't let it. I remind myself I was lucky to have had any time with him at all. Maybe none of us really understand what we've lived through, or feel we've had enough time. "

Renee said...

You don't know me, but I've peeked in on your blog from time to time. I'm not a Widow - but for some reason I read you blog.

I just wanted to tell you that I just opened your post and read it...at that exact moment (on my computer radio) the song "Tears in Heaven" by Eric Clapton came on. As I type this, it is followed by "Free Bird" Lynrard Skynyrd.

It has given me chills - I just needed to tell you this.

Talia said...

YOU ARE AMAZING!!! I LOVE YOU Tay

It's Toner Time said...

I just wanted to thank you all for your comments! They mean the world to me. And thank you so much for following my blog those of you who do not know me and Frankie personally, but I am thankful for you and for your support, and for your uplifting comments!
And Fellow military wife, thank you and your hubby for your service!
And Renee, it means so much that you would tell me those songs came on. It is just a gentle reminder that Frankie will wait for me, and me for him.
And Taryn, as always, you and Michael are such a blessing to us Toner's! I always love your quotes.
Lots of love!! Thank you all!