As this day ends, I think of where Frankie and I were four years ago. Just married, starting our amazing honeymoon, and the rest of our amazing lives together.
Who would have thought this would be the hand we would be dealt?
The pain of this is indescribable. Missing him on this day, where we looked into each other's eyes and vowed to God and to one another, a sacred promise to love eternally. We were so happy that day...we kissed before we were supposed to during our ceremony. We could not help it, our faces just kept getting closer and closer. We were so ready and excited to be married. By the end of the night our faces actually hurt from smiling so much.
Everyone says remember the memories --- and how I cling to them, but sometimes I think, he is so much more than that. I have felt his love, his kiss, his shining soul and smile looking into mine.... And sometimes memories simply are not enough. I wish I could explain how perfect we are for each other. How wonderful every moment together was. Together we are undefinable, perfectly matched, and if put simply -- eternal soul mates. And that is what will get me through. Not just amazing memories, but the fact that I know the universe brought us together --- and could not be cruel enough to take him from me forever. That his love still grows for me, and mine for him. And that we will be together again.
I am truly amazed by our love --- I am in awe of the man I love and will continue to feel that love and show him everyday.
I think Frankie put it best in our last anniversary card at two years. We did not spend the day together, because he was in Kansas training for his deployment, the last couple of lines define so much of how I feel today.
...I could never be fully myself without you by my side. There is this void now that I know can never be filled again until you're next to me and we are holding hands and looking into each other's eyes whispering I love you. I love and miss you so much babe and wish I could be there with you on our day.
To the love,
“The dawn is not distant, nor is the night starless; love is eternal."
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
"Of all the music that reached farthest into heaven, it is the beating of a loving heart."
--Henry Ward Beecher