The Gene Machine

If X = Love

So, lately I haven't been able to write very much, it just spirals down to this really dark place that I have been in recently, and I stop.

I have been wanting to post something for a little while, and was not sure what to put. Tonight, I found it! I was going through this treasure box, where I have kept things that Frankie has given me or things that we have done from the time we started dating. I have old notes, his football game tickets, even napkins that he wrote on. I even have the first gift he ever gave me, which is an old lollipop with a disgusting worm inside! Weird, I know... but I love him for it!

So, I scanned some of the things that were aging rapidly and falling apart to have them forever, and these two stood out!

I love how he wrote me an equation of how much he loves me in response to a love note I had sent him during church. The number is endless.

And the second image is just ridiculous. It is our computer generated future child....

Our Francis Lawrence Toner V. Our friends went in and they had a cute little baby created. Frankie and I went in, and came out with a 7 -year old child! With a flat-top crew cut! I know we would have had a huge baby, since Frankie was 11 lbs and all of my 7 siblings weighed anywhere from 8-11 pounds.

I truly wish we would have had the chance to have our freakishly huge baby. :) I am making light of it, but I am turning 30 in a few weeks, and always imagined we would be amazing parents by now. Our kid would have been a looker... and Frankie would have been the best dad.

I just miss him so much. I miss how weird we are together, and how much we laughed together, and made funny noises and sang each other songs, and looked forward to the future together, and how we motivated each other and how we selflessly loved. I miss his eyes, his smile, his voice, his laugh, his jokes, his kiss, his skin, his face, holding his hand, his stories, cooking him dinner, sleeping by his side, waking up and seeing him watching me sleep, watching him sleep, playing games, going on walks to the beach, working out together, him playing with my hair, going on dates to the dollar theatre, sitting next to him at church, his letters, notes and poems for me, my best friend, my everything, my husband.

I miss and love him infinitely times 10 to the infinite power. :)