12.27.2009

If you don't have anything nice to say, then.....

I will count the days until you take my hand and lead me to our home on high
I love you baby - Merry Christmas

It has been a rough month. Today, Dec 27th, marks 9 months since Frankie was killed. We were engaged on Christmas night surrounded by my family in 2005. It was such a beautiful night that, thankfully, I have on video. I had no idea Frankie was going to ask me . We never even looked at rings together. He went and picked out the diamonds himself and had them set. It is perfect. Our engagement night was so perfect. He sang to me when we were alone, a beautiful song that I hold dear to my heart. I miss him so intensely - and I am so frustrated that every time I try to talk about him, people skirt around it - or change the subject or try to comfort me by telling me I will find someone else ------ that just plainly makes me angry. It stings every time - the same painful sting. Frankie is my husband - and always will be. So, if you want to comfort me, and those words come to mind ---please....don't say anything at all.
So, just a few pointers for those dealing with this widow:

I am not single!
I won’t meet someone else!
I will not get over losing my soul mate – ever!
Frankie will not send me someone else!
I am his one and only.
I am his girl.
He is the only person I have ever told I loved – I waited to find him.
We know we are God-given.
It is OK if you don’t understand a love like ours.
Just watch – 10 years down the road – you will all keep saying the same things.
20 years down the road – you will think I made a mistake – and that I chose this path…it is anything but a choice.
30 years down the road – I will be 60 -and you will say - it is too late for her now.
40 years down the road –You will say – It’s too bad she never remarried – she must be lonely.
50 years down the road I will be 80 – you will say – she lived a good life - I bet she looks forward to being back with her love now that she is older.
I hope I do not have to wait that long to see my love – But I will wait and I will love him more and more everyday until I do – Until we are reunited.
We are Mr. and Mrs. Francis L. Toner IV – and will be forever ---whether you like it or not.

But long or short though life may be
'Tis nothing to eternity
We part below to meet on high
Where blissful ages never die" — Emily Brontë

"Love is perhaps the only glimpse we are permitted of eternity."Helen Hayes

7 comments:

Beau & Lenette said...

YOU TELL 'EM!!!

Taryn Davis- The AWP said...

This is the best list ever! Thank you for writing this, you put into words how I feel too...and the quotes are perfect.
Love you and Frankie and the strength of y'all eternal love.

Antonia Petruse said...

Brooke. I admire you. I admire the love you have with Frankie. I love you two always and forever.

Jenielle said...

Amen!

Anonymous said...

I love you & I can't wait to see those kids in our after life.

Wharf Rat said...

You are an incredible person, and I have few words to express my respect for you and your hero husband.

Bri said...

I do not know you but I am EXTREMELY touched by your story. I read your blog about you & your precious husband and I just weep as if you are a dear close friend of mine. I think I weep because I, too, love my husband the way you love yours & the way we will always love our husbands.
FROM THE VERY BOTTOM OF MY HEART, I am sooooo soooo sorry. I can't imagine the literal pain and heartbreak you must feel. I am praying for you, Brooke!
I just recently joined this organization called BakingGALS which consists of volunteer bakers from around the country who bake and ship homemade goodies to soldiers deployed in war zones and since being involved in this I have been thinking a lot about families of soldiers and wives of soldiers that never come home..I hear an incredible sermon from my pastor this past weekend on Marriage speaking from 1 Corinthians 7 and the words of Paul. In the very last passage of 1 Cor. 7 Pauls writes, "A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. In my judgment, SHE IS MUCH HAPPIER IF SHE STAYS AS SHE IS.." 1 Corinthians 7:39-40 When I heard my pastor preach on this, I thought,'GOD FORBID THAT ANYTHING HAPPENS TO MY HUSBAND, but if it does and I am left a widow, then a widow I shall stay till the Lord Himself calls me home because "I am much happier if I stay as I am". I hope and pray this brings you some encouragement :)