It has been a year since Frankie left for Afghanistan. I truly cannot believe it has been that long. I really do not have any sense of time lately. Everyday is similar - everyday, I ache. As much as I try to put on a happy face...that is all it is...an exterior smile to mask my interior pain. I can't believe last year at this time Frankie and I were together wiping tears, holding each other, for one last time. Each kiss full of meaning - with purpose - conveying the overwhelming love between us.
But thankfully in between feeling so much pain these days, I am allowed to feel little specs of comfort, and light, and hope, and love -- So much love. Although everyday hurts missing him - I know that love is still here. I feel it -- his love radiates around me. It always has. With Frankie no distance has ever been too great, no physical separation could prevent us from ever feeling it. I am so grateful that I am Frankie's wife! He is my husband. Frankie Toner IV is my forever love - wow! He chose me to be his. I chose him to be mine. We are so blessed.
This is part of a poem I wrote lately - just how I have been feeling ~
He is my one and only---My for all time and eternity
I know we are God-given ---I just wish our time was more
Here on Earth ---On this forever empty shore
Waves crashing, Tears falling Into that never-ending ache
That pool of hurt---that tide of pain
Falling and rising - breaking over me
Until that day when these earthly bonds are broken
and we will rush to hold each other FOREVER more.
Frankie wrote this for me - it is one of my favorites - if not my favorite - I love him so much beyond description, and I feel his love for me! I feel you Frankie! I feel your never-ending love for me!
There is an ocean which no eye can see the end. There are no sides, no beaches, no banks, or beds - Just water that continues forever. Within this sea that has no end there is just two people. Just you and me - swimming and splashing, laughing and kissing. I hold you close as I lift my hand from the water we watch the water drip off my skin and it goes back to the ocean drop by drop. I look into your eyes so blue and true to me and say - "Each drop that must fall to fill this ocean is from my heart and each one is a piece of my love I have for you. As you can see it is never-ending. Never. With each passing unit of time my sea of love deepens for you Brooke. I love you."