Live For Today

LIVE FOR TODAY

 The other day all of the clocks had to be changed because of daylight savings.  I was driving to the gym with a friend when he reached over and proceeded to change the time in my truck to reflect the actual time.  It was set 3 hours behind.  It has not been changed since the clock was set back in November of 2006 to Hawaii Time by Frankie when we moved there as a newly married couple.  I don't know why I never changed the clock...I just didn't.  My reaction gave it away immediately...and I just said something along the lines of, "you have no idea how big that is." He stopped mid change and was like..."ohhhhh crap."  I had to finish it because he felt terrible and I changed the minutes to reflect the actual time.  I assured him it was okay.  He still felt awful.  I realized instantly that the clock should no longer be set in the past.  It doesn't need to reflect the 10 minutes faster that Frankie set all of our clocks to to try and trick his mind in the morning and get us places on time. Me, being habitually late, learned from Frankie, "5 minutes early is on time; On time is late; and 5 minutes late is unacceptable."  :)

The clock set back in time does not bring back the amazing memories or moments that I am eternally grateful for. The clocks need to be set to now.  I'm ready for it.  Life is now...life is moving forward.  Time doesn't stop, even when it has felt like it should have.  The clock keeps ticking.  I'm thankful for my past and I'm looking forward to the future...whatever it brings.  Life is good.  Live for today. 

Oh! The Places You'll Go!

I miss him so much today it hurts.  I have tried to be strong, and I have tried to remember his promises to me, but even the strongest can be broken.  So, I watched a video that always helps me get through my hard days. 

It is a video of Frankie from Afghanistan.  He is reading me a children's book, by Dr. Seuss.  Most people know of it.  I have always really loved it.  I think it is some of his best work.  I think it is simple, and applies to life in many ways.  Frankie knew how much I liked it. 

While in Afghanistan, Florence B. Choe, who was killed with Frankie set up an amazing program on her base where the forces could read books to their children at home via video, and send it in a disk format.  She did it for her very own 3 year old daughter.  I know it will be something that her daughter must cherish, and will forever. 

Frankie, always thoughtful, read a book for me.  Oh! The Places You'll Go.  He added in his own personality, and it truly is one of my favorite videos of him.  He says things throughout it that remind me that he will always be with me no matter what.  Maybe you will catch it at the end of this clip. 

I know he is with me.  I know he feels when I am sad.  I know today he has been by my side.  I know I will see him again.  And I know he has helped me hurt a little less today. 

I love you Frankie.  Thank you for giving me strength, when it feels like I have none. 

Valentine's Schmalentine's?

Tonight after a looong day, I had to stop at the store to pick up a few things before heading home.  With Valentines Day coming up, and all the pink and red that vomited in the store, I was reminded that it was time to get Frankie a card.  (It has continued to be a habit of mine to pick out the perfect cards for him on holidays and other random special days).  As I was looking for just the right one, or three, a guy walked by and said....
“Trust me, It’s overrated.” 
All I could think was....trust me...It is not. 

Every day you get to spend with a loved one is special, but a day set apart to remind you, and treat the one person in your life just a little more special is not overrated in my book.  Frankie and I treated everyday like it was special and often said “Every day is a day for love.” 
Our last Valentine’s Day together was in 2008 in Hawaii.  It fell on our Thursday night where we would shut out the world, get pizza and sorbet and catch up on all of our TV shows.  We stayed in, homemade a heart shaped buffalo chicken pizza (it was so delicious), gave one another our cards, and enjoyed another day of love. 
Not one second is overrated....not one.  Not even when he is not here and I continue to buy him cards, breathe, live and feel his love. 

So, have a beautiful Valentine's Day and treat everyone you love in your life a little more special.  And then remember to do it more often!  Every day is a day for love!

P.S. Happy New Year

Plus, Just wanted to say, I am glad to be back to blogger.  :)  It has been waaaayyyy too long!
My 2012 in review via pinterest.  It was an interesting year.  I learned a lot, and I am ready to take on 2013 with no regrets.  Time to make new mistakes and keep on keepin' on! :)

The Love of a Father

I recently saw the movie Les Miserables.  I had seen the Broadway show twice while living in NY, but this song really got me during the movie in a way I never understood before.  
Called "Bring Him Home" 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UaI9BPKhExk
I had to hold back sobs.  I let tears roll down my face....in public! Which is not a usual thing for me to do.  It made me think of my dad, and it made think about my relationship with God.  It made me think of how much they both love me.  How much my dad has been here for me.  How much he wishes it was him who had been in Frankie's place.  He has said it again and again. It made me think of how he caught me in his arms as I fell to the floor on the worst day of my life.  How he sobbed for me that day, when two men had to come tell me my husband was killed and personally see his daughters heart shatter.  How he held my arm as I saw Frankie's coffin for the first time, and continued to hold it as we followed the caisson and band that led the way to where Frankie was placed in the ground.  How he has taken care of me since then. My dad...He is just such an amazing person and I am so thankful for him.  
I have had some serious God issues since Frankie died.  And I am finding my way back to Him.  He is my Father in Heaven, and I know he cares for me the same way my own Father does.  Even though it sometimes feels like he didn't hear my prayers, my Dad's prayers, our friends and family's prayers, I know that he is still there and waiting for me to forgive him. Him and Frankie are watching out for me, and reminding me of who I am and what I need to be doing.  I will keep trying.  I hope Frankie is there and I hope he is in the best of care.  I know he must be.  Because, with my Dad, I am.  So, I can only imagine what it must be like for him.  

I have the love of some pretty incredible men. 

Not only mine and Frankie's smiles, but check out my Dad's!

I know my Dad was so honored to be at Frankie's Silver Star Ceremony 

God on high  

Hear my prayer  

In my need  

You have always been there  

He is young  

He's afraid 

Let him rest  

Heaven blessed.  

Bring him home  

Bring him home  

Bring him home.  

He's like the son I might have known  

If God had granted me a son.  

The summers die One by one. 

 How soon they fly 

On and on  

And I am old  

And will be gone. 

Bring him peace  

Bring him joy 

He is young  

He is only a boy  

You can take  

You can give  

Let him be  

Let him live  

If I die  

Let me die

Read more: LES MISERABLES - BRING HIM HOME LYRICS