All I can say is that I feel truly blessed. I found another gift. I don't know how things keep popping up from Frankie, but they do. Whenever I have needed him the most, he is right there, reminding me and guiding me. I found a disk in his old movie collection that didn't look like much. I almost went right past it without even another glance, until I found another collection of CD's I had made for him that included the list of songs and titles. I thought, why not? I'll throw in the backup CD. So, I looked through some of his old files from his computer and found resume's, homework, letters of recommendation.
And then, there was one folder called: "future" and within that was one titled: "Brooke"
And then, staring me in the face were words I had never read before...to me, from Frankie. I thought I had read every poem, card, thought or love song that was to be written by Frankie. And was I ever wrong. He had written sooooo much more that he was going to give to me over time. I'm not sure when, but I am sure on special occasions. He wrote me while we were dating and he was out to sea. He wrote of what it felt like the first time he held my hand. He wrote about the first time we kissed. He wrote about all of our amazing adventures and when I'm saying he wrote about them, he put in details. Like how the stars shone on a certain night, and the temperatures, the dew on the grass or how the moonlight would shine on my face. And it brought it all back like a flood. I suddenly remembered the moments that have gotten hazy. I remembered the things that have seemed to have disappeared from my memory over time. I remembered it all. Our beautiful, amazing, magical love. It was so rare, and so special. I remembered.....I never forgot....but it made it new again.
He wrote about how he knew he was planning on asking me to be his wife. He wrote about all the places we used to make-out at when we first started dating. :) He wrote about all the silly and weird things that we used to do. We were soooo weird! haha! But lucky in love! Here is an example of some of what he wrote:
"Today I was just thinking about some of the little weird things about us.
Yep the first thing that comes to mind is your town. I am not sure how it even started, but its hilarious that you some how have a town under your arm that is ruled by a tyrant. I mean if you really sit down and think about that…..Yeah that’s pretty far out there and I love it. I love that we go take pictures with some wooden bear we see on the side of the road. Then we proceed to name it the freedom bear and some how him and I have formed in alliance to fight the tyrant that rules your town under you arm. LOL Brooke I love you. Next we have some obsession with little dogs and people with their weird dogs whether they be some weird dog that happens to survive some nuclear bomb test and we have to turn around and drive by it three times so we can get a good look at it. Or dogs strapped in a harness to people's backs. Now thats weird. Then we like to race and wrestle in blockbuster and other stores. We make tunnels and snow castles, which I think is just cute... not weird. We have vortexes that lock us in our dorm rooms and tape our heads to the computer. We make songs up about things we see on the street. OOOOOooooo. You like to shake it. Yeah baby shake it. You wear a yellow rain suit when we go snowboarding. Play hangman over the phone. Not once but for like a couple of hours. Write coded emails. Your in the midst of building a cell phone tower out of hangers and bobby pins. We pull down trees in your backyard. You know what honey I know we already know we are each others best friends, but really we are! I mean just look at the stuff we do. We don’t just do boyfriend girlfriend/lovers stuff. We play like we are in grade school and we go over each others house for play dates. Brooke you are amazing and I know we have the greatest relationship ever. It is just amazing and I love you so much. The list can go on and on baby so I'm going to continue it on another day. I love you. To definitely be continued….."
He wrote poems about my weird underarm town. He wrote love poems and songs. He wrote about how much he missed me while he was gone.
Tonight
Tonight I go to sleep dreaming and thinking about you
Tonight I go to sleep praying and missing you
All I want tonight is to have you by my side
All I want tonight is to be with my baby girl
So I close my eyes and see you there smiling at me tonight
So I close my eyes and pretend your next me
As I go to sleep tonight missing you
All I want tonight is to have you by my side
All I want tonight is to be with my baby girl
Counting the days till we’ll be together again
Counting the days till we’ll be together again
All I want tonight is to have you by my side
All I want tonight is to be with my baby girl
Starting to drift and seeing me there kissing your tender lips
I wipe my eyes and cry because I go to sleep missing you tonight
He wrote and he wrote and he wrote. I am blessed. I miss him. I miss him. I miss him. He reminded me of true love and it always comes at the exact perfect time. I know he is here. Always.
I love you Frankie. Forever.
"How I know that what we have is like nothing else and to describe it in the very least is to call it love." -Frankie Toner IV
